“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of GOD is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” — Romans 12:1 NASB

But all through life I see a Cross

where sons of GOD yield up their breath

there is no gain except by loss

there is no life except by death

and no full vision but by Faith

nor glory but by bearing shame

nor justice but by taking blame

and that eternal passions says,

“Be empty of glory and right and name”

Amy Carmichael

What are you thinking about right now?

Why are you reading this?

Yesterday I went to the pool and started swimming. At first, my focus was way off. My mind kept wandering to those oh-so-well-known thoughts like “what do they think of me”? After a few hundred yards I had a pow-wow with myself. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been reading SetApartGirl Magazine ( http://setapartgirl.com/ ). It’s been tremendously encouraging and inspiring. GOD has called me to shift my focus off of the temporary and into the eternal. I realized that, as I was swimming, my focus was severely wrong. So, after I had my little pow-wow I kept my mind on things that are “true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and of good repute” (Philippians 4:8).  There have been so many times I’ve focused on things that are silly and unimportant–things that don’t have any eternal value. I don’t want to walk in that. GOD has called me to a different way of living–having a different focal point. I am to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, so that I may prove what the will of GOD is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Ironically, after a couple of minutes, this really good looking guy hopped in the pool next to me.

Talk about a challenge.

It was then I realized how much I subconsciously think about myself when guys are around. It didn’t make sense tom me; I was protecting myself specifically for that possible “special someone”, so I shouldn’t be worried about how other guys think of me, right? I’d just had a pow-wow about keeping my mind focused… why in the world was this so hard?!

Then I noticed another flaw in my focus.

I’m not called to keep myself pure for a man; I’m called to live as a set apart lily among thorns for ONE Man–my SAVIOR and LORD.

That’s a concept I’ve grown up hearing about. I’ve studied it, read about it, and tried to apply it to every area of my life. But I didn’t understand what it really meant for me. Leslie Ludy said  in her book Sacred Singleness, “Most of us never truly die to self–we never really walk through the painful process of laying down every hope, dream, and wish of our heart upon the alter before our KING, or of letting our identity become swallowed up in HIM. And as a result, our emotions, personality, and desires quickly take over and control us, hollering and bellowing and clamoring for us to build our life around them.” My heart was at a fork in the road.  To see the problem clearly I had to back up a few steps–back to the place where my focus began.

To understand this though, I have to look at more than just this area of my life.

This past January I started my first semester at college; for now I’m just taking general education classes. The past two years have been a constant battle of plans as to where I’ll go next… I’m taking GenEd this semester. Where will I go from here? Where will the LORD place me? I never thought going on campus to college was an option for me. But over the past six months, a couple of “possible options” have arisen. Which scares me to death. I’ve struggled with that desire; I didn’t want to let myself get too hopeful. I didn’t want that desire to become my primary desire. I want to make sure this is GOD’s will, not mine.

A few weeks ago my parents and I really started talking it over. During one of those discussions, my daddy said something that changed my entire perspective: “If you have the desire to do something good, that desire isn’t from the devil. GOD doesn’t always give a direct sign, feeling or statement about HIS will. Have you prayed about it? Has GOD given you any indication that this is a ‘no-go’? If you feel confident that this is a good choice, step forward. Sometimes you just gotta step out in faith, trusting in HIM. Trust that GOD will close the door if it’s not HIS will.”

It’s been a tremendous step for me. I’ve always been a backwards planner–so now, having only one plan that could turn out to be preposterous, is totally new for me. But it’s been the most peaceful time I’ve ever experienced regarding college.

One of the things that bothers me is the motivation of my choice. I want to go to Bible college. Why? I know Bible college can be a magnificent experience and prepare me in so many ways. But as many people have pointed out, GOD has equipped me to learn these things without having to go to a Bible college. Should I spend that much money to go to Bible college somewhere? It would be logical to get a degree in something I could potentially apply to a career.

As I’ve prayed about it, I keep coming back to one thought: I know I’m called to the ministry–whatever that looks like. I want to be equipped for whatever ministry GOD has for me. And if it’s HIS will for me to learn those things at Bible college, so be it. If it’s HIS will for me to learn those things studying Sociology in my parent’s basement, so be it. On the outside it seems to confusing and illogical. I wonder: if I continue doing online college (sitting at my desk nine hours a day), how will I be a part of a ministry? How will I meet other Christians? How will I have that fellowship and intimacy I’ve prayed so long for?

This brings me back full-circle.

I’m not here for man. I’m here for GOD. For HIS purposes. For HIS glory (not my own). After reevaluating things a few weeks ago, I came to a truly life-changing decision: I’m not going to choose man. I’m not going to choose the temporary things in life. “‘The LORD is my portion’, says my soul, ‘therefore I have hope in HIM.'” (Lamentations 3:24 NASB) I’m choosing to lay down everything–the hope of marriage, my expectancy of life, preconceived ideas, temporary pleasures, my ideas of ministry, plans for my future–at JESUS’ feet. Because who am I? Who am I that I should know the future? Where was I when the foundations of the earth were laid, when I was made in my mother’s womb, or when GOD planned beforehand the good works I should walk in? What do I know that I should expect things in my life?

As the LORD said to Job, “Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, and caused the dawn to know its place, that it might take hold of the ends of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?… have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness? Have you understood the expanse of the earth? Tell ME, is you know all this.” (Job 38:12, 17-18 NASB)

“Behold, I am insignificant; what can I reply to YOU? I lay my hand on my mouth.” (Job 40:4 NASB)

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

It’s not easy–at all–to lay down my ideas of what life should look like or how things should go. It’s not easy to let go of my hopes, dreams, plans, and desires. It’s not easy to accept GOD’s focal point (JESUS) instead of my own (the life I want/envision). But this is what I’m called to do. I’m called to let go of the former, all of those things which conform me to this world, and die to myself being transformed by the renewing of my mind.

What does it mean, “renewing of the mind”?

Post your thoughts in the comments below.

“Renewing of the mind” is an ongoing journey. But it begins with a choice: the choice to let GOD take over. To surrender everything to HIM, so that the ties of those things which once had a hold of us can be cut off and thrown away. “It was for freedom that CHRIST set us free; therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1 NASB)

“There are some who would have CHRIST cheap. They would have HIM without the cross. But the price will not come down.” — Samuel Rutherford

Food for thought (this is one of my favorite poems):

Trust me, I have not earned your dear rebuke, —
I love, as you would have me, GOD the most;
would lose not HIM, but you, must one be lost,
nor with Lot’s wife cast back a faithless look,
unready to forego what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, though I be the feeblest of GOD’s host,
The sorriest sheep CHRIST shepherds with his crook.
Yet while I love GOD the most, I deem
that I can never love you over-much;
I love HIM more, so let me love you too;
Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such
I cannot love you if I love not HIM,
I cannot love HIM, if I love not you.

Christina Rossetti, A Sonnet of Sonnets #6