2019 ACFW Carol Award WinnerOnce again, it’s been a while and there’s really no excuse other than… Life.
Life happens. And in 2020 we’ve seen things we couldn’t have ever predicted. It affected a lot of us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Personally, we’ve had a lot of joyous things happen, but also a lot of junk happened too. I know it affected my creative/writer brain even when I didn’t think that it had. Then I found myself facing three full-length novel deadlines all within a few months because I couldn’t write as fast as is normal for me. I’m so thankful my publishers have been so gracious to me because I’m sure I will need to do a lot of editing to make something of these messy stories. But our lives are full of messy stories, aren’t they? 🙂
If you’ve been reading any of my blogs for any length of time, you know that I want to be transparent with you all. I’m just real. I don’t have time for fluffy-bunny relationships (in fact, we had t-shirts made for my Colorful Ladies group on Facebook that say “No Fluffy Bunnies” – go ahead and chuckle), nor do I want that kind of relationship… what I DO want is real, honest, oft-times-gut-wrenching, yes – messy relationships. And let me tell you… I’m the biggest mess.
So I’m here to share about my messiness. Let me be blunt. I’m a constant mess, so these are just the tip of the iceberg.
1 – I have had a problem saying “no” a lot. I’m getting much better at it, but there are times I still struggle.
2 – I enjoy doing way too many things. Yes, I admit it. Too many different crafts. Too many different musical instruments. Too many different exercise programs. Too many bookish things (Gasp!). Etc. etc. etc. I’m a creative person and I’m good at ping-ponging all over the place.
3 – I’ve been in full-time ministry my entire life. (I’m a PK – pastor’s kid – and a PW – pastor’s wife.) I have seen the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful sides of ALL of it. And yes, ministry is VERY messy.
4 – I tend to overextend myself because I love being involved. I’m a really good in-charge person – but that doesn’t mean that I need to be in charge of everything. Something I have to remind myself of on a regular basis.
5 – I love people and used to be a total extrovert about twenty years ago. But sometime in the past umpteen years, I completely switched. I still love people <giggle, don’t want you to think that part switched> – but I’m an introvert now. I don’t know if it was all of the TV stuff, all the speaking that I’ve done around the country, or just the fact that I’m getting older. It doesn’t really matter, I just find it interesting. I still love speaking and sharing, but it takes more out of me than it used to. And frankly, some people find it really funny that I’m a homebody and could be perfectly content staying at home all the time in my yoga pants and t-shirts. (But, I’ve got plenty to keep me busy – see #2 above – so you shouldn’t really be surprised.)
6 – (And this is the biggest) – I’m imperfect. I’m talking incredibly imperfect. I make mistakes all the time. I’ve hurt people. I’ve been dishonest. I’m a sinner. A big, fat, dirty, stinky sinner.
Thankfully, I’m not defined by my messiness. I am His beautiful creation. He loves me unconditionally. Because of what Jesus did for me, the Father sees me as clean and whole. His grace has done that.
The mess that is Kim isn’t pretty. But praise God, He’s still working on me and will continue to do so until He comes.
Are you a mess? Don’t be discouraged. We all are. But His grace is deeper and wider than your biggest mess. He loves you. He longs to have a relationship with you.
And I love you too. Even though I may not know your name, I’m praying for you.
Comments 14
What a beautiful, honest, encouraging newsletter. Blessings and may you have an enjoyable, restful Thanksgiving.
Life is not always perfect, but that doesn’t mean we can’t reach out to others with simple acts of kindness whether just saying “please” or “thank you” or encouraging friends or neighbors with a card or phone call. I choose to bake and share with neighbors in my retirement community. Blessings abound if we just open our eyes and take in all God has created! Stay safe and healthy over Thanksgiving holiday!
I’m grateful that we serve a God who turns messes into messages of triumph! May you and your family enjoy a blessed Thanksgiving filled with His Presence.
Thanks for sharing… I needed to hear this!
I was so touched and encouraged by your post. We all need to spur one another as we take this faith journey. Thankful for your reminder that His grace is greater than our weaknesses and life challenges. Thank you!
Loved your newsletter!! Thanks for being so honest and letting all of us see that though you’re a well known writer and speaker, you’re just as imperfect as anyone else. For me as an aspiring author, I think I’m not organize or skilled or just good enough to ever be published. But your admission helped. Oh, and I’m a PK too 😊. Lord bless you and your family for Thanksgiving!!
You’re just a human as we are and it’s refreshing to hear it. I struggle with saying “no” as well. Thank you for sharing.
His mercy and love is everlasting. It’s a good thing, because many of us are messy, myself included! Love yourself as He does. We all have our best days and worse times. Remember to forgive yourself and march on. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and remember to wear those yoga pants. They stretch and let you eat more!!
Love the honesty of this post, because aren’t we all such a mess? I know I am, and it’s hard enough to admit it to myself most days, let alone go public with it…(gasp!) Thank heaven we have a Father that loves us just as we are, because there are a lot of days I fear I’m just not lovable to the poor humans around me! I will be praying for you as well, and thank you for your post.
I know it’s been hard for you to cut back on things and life has been crazy but you have to take care of you too! Sending you hugs! <3
You are new to me and I rarely open let alone read newsletters these days but, I’m grateful I did. So much of you was me. I miss my busy workaholic life running with my head cut off making myself crazy rushing to get everything that needed to be done done so I could squeeze one more thing in to help someone out. I loved my work and the business I worked so hard to build and the joy I felt for the appreciation and status I received in doing good work. But, that’s who I was and I mourn her desperately everyday. I’m a severely fractured with a low quality of life now. Instead of working and taking care of my family and others, I fight daily to do simple things for myself, so I don’t have to burden someone for all of the things I can’t do myself anymore. I took it for granted that I’d always be tough and able to get through life as I always have.
I apologize for the last part of my comment. I didn’t mean to put anyone off and I shouldn’t have shared anything that didn’t lift people’s spirits. So many people are suffering during this dark time across the world. They are who deserves our attention, help, and prayers. Please delete my comments entirely.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this honest post. I, too, am a PK and was a youth pastor’s wife. Life got very messy for me…and is still a mess. But I am blessed beyond measure by God’s endless grace and mercy that He continually bestows on me…and I don’t deserve ANY of it! I am so thankful for He who has saved my soul and continues to be my hiding place…who fills me with songs of deliverance, peace, and real joy. I will trust in Him, for He alone is faithful!!!
So looking forward to you coming to Middlecreek, Kim. Blessings to you and yours this Christmas season!❤️🎄🙏🏻
Kimberley, I met you in Bozeman MT, I believe. I’m a friend of Tracie P. and really want to get hold of her. Her address and phone number have changed. Can you please msg me with any info you might have? She, Alison B. and I co-authored a book a number of years ago. I’m really anxious to touch base with her. Thanks for any help!! So excited to add a couple of your books to my library!!