2019 ACFW Carol Award WinnerHave you ever had a person (or even people) in your life that drain you? Basically suck the life out of you?
My hubby teases me, saying that I attract those kind of people. And in all honesty, he’s right. (Now, don’t get upset, I’m not saying all the people in my life are like that, but I generally have at least one in my life at all times.) He’s even gotten to the point where he makes a loud sucking/vacuum-type noise to help me discern these things when we’re talking alone. 🙂 He’s got discernment – really GOOD discernment – where I don’t.
Anyway, I’m learning. With all the TV stuff, book stuff, and every other kind of stuff, my life has changed. And I’m growing through this process, I’m being pruned through this process, and I’m holding onto my joy through this process.
BUT – I can’t say it doesn’t hurt when you find out someone isn’t trustworthy – or realize that they have single-handledly sucked a good portion of your time/energy/money/LIFE out of you. And for me, it makes me wonder, “Why didn’t I see this earlier?”
In fact, I’m still recovering from one of these life-suckers that I recently had in my life. But, praise God, I learned a LOT.
It’s kinda like the post I wrote about falling down. Every time we fall, we have the incredible opportunity to learn a valuable lesson so that we DON’T fall the same way again, and we learn how to pick ourselves up out of the muck and mire.
It is hard though… every time you hear from that person, see that person, etc. And personally, I fight urges of wanting to stomp my feet and say, “Really?!? Are you serious?” But then I hear that still small voice (sometimes in the form of a tried and true friend) saying, “Pray. Pray hard.” And I feel that inevitable 2×4 from above followed by the gentle words, “I love ________ just as much as I love you.”
That’s always a gut-wrenching revelation for me. To be reminded that I am no better than anyone else, that God couldn’t possibly love me any more than anyone else, and that Jesus died so that “whosoever believes” can have the same eternal life given to me through His sacrifice. Wow. Talk about convicting.
Too many times, we just want to wash our hands of that person(s) and move on. And I’m not saying that’s bad, but what happens every time that person(s) is brought up or crosses your path? How are we supposed to handle that?
My answer? Pray. Pray hard. And look forward to the thump of the 2×4 with the gentle reminder. It’s humbling. And much needed.
Comments 11
Sigh. I can relate. I've been through some myself. That's a great 2×4 moment–God lvoes them as much as He loves me/you. I just pray that I'm never a leech to anyone in my life. I want to be an encourager. I want God to rip out the weak parts and help me be strong in Him.
wow. can i just say how much i needed this? today? of all days? after recieving an email from a life-sucker in my life about a new adventure they were on, i wanted to gag and throw a rock at the computer screen.
how is it that you always step on my toes so good?
Ronie, I know, my friend. I know. Love you.
Anonymous – well, I'd have to say that it was definitely a God-thing. And we all need the reminder. I needed it today and so I wrote about it. 🙂
God Bless you and thank you for stopping by.
a pastor friend of mine posted this on twitter about this and I'd like to share – this is via @bard_letsinger
"I call them EGRs (Extra Grace Required) … Deal with them through prayer, confront them on issues, and limit your exposure."
Amen.
Great post, Kimberley. My first thought: that's what Judas did to Jesus. The traitor was a life sucker. My second thought: (Gulp) I'm a life sucker every time I'm unreliable to Him!
I'm thankful we can ask God for wisdom regarding our friends and disciples; however, I'm even more thankful we can ask Him for grace for our own mistakes ~ the ones against Him and the ones against others.
I think it's great how your husband teases you with those funny noises to help you discern. Good reminder of how keeping a good sense of humor helps us get through these kinds of situations! Thanks for the post! :))
What do you think it is that attracts these people? Is it the fame? The perceived celebrity status? Or is it just because you're one of the most giving people I know and attract friends like flies to honey?
I know many people talk to me about you because "they would love to have a friend like you" – but I know how hard this whole process has been on you, and it's hard when people continually let you down and their motives don't turn out to be what they seemed.
I am praying for you, my friend. And I love you so very very much. Like Jeremy said – sometimes it's best to make the circle smaller.
This post left me with thoughts of self-measure. Asking myself, "AM I A LIFE-SUCKER?! How do I NOT be anything like the person you described?" As for my own life having "life-suckers" attached… I've just never thought of anyone in that term. If I'm unable to meet the needs of someone who attaches themselves to my life; I am honest with them and tell the so. Then it's up to them to find someone who can meet those needs. It's ok to say "no" and it's ok distance ourselves from those with whom we disagree. Even the Lord did this when he called these type of people "vipers".
I'm not quite sure I agree with anon #3 – they may not have ever thought of anyone in that term – but I'm sure they rolled their eyes plenty of times or got frustrated with them. The post I'm pretty sure was not implied in that manner. To me, it was a pretty blunt, honest, and open portrayal of a struggle the author has had, a struggle that all of us have and she's calling us out on it.
In our own way, I'm pretty sure we've all been life-suckers. Only a truly honest person can admit their flaws and open up a good discussion about this area. It's not about us. It's about them, and learning to love everyone through these situations.
Kathy
I was reading comments on Kim's FB page about this blog and saw this one by Jane Anderson:
~I read, "why didn't I see this earlier" well, let's see. How about it being very difficult for someone who has a positive attitude, tries to see the best in situations, naturally brings out the best in people, and has a heart that trusts —- now I wonder why it took you so long to have that ah-ha moment when you realized "they are so not on my happy camper list".~
I'm with several other people here, I needed it in a big way.
C
Wow – you guys are a lively bunch 🙂
Cheryl – I second your "GULP!" – and really wrote this post because of the conviction I felt because of my feelings toward that person. I'm working on this. Can you tell? 🙂 Thanks for your comment – you are wonderful!
Thanks, everyone for stopping by and commenting. I really do love hearing from you and I love seeing the interaction between us.
Amazing comments and it's a good wake-up call to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to expose those things in us that fail to honor God. Ouch! I did that immediately after this post yesterday.
In reply to anon #3 post–I think those of us who get snagged and caught up in friendships that prove toxic might try to meet needs…but that's not our job. That's God's job. We are just vessels. If God chooses to bless someone's life through us, then that's awesome.
I love people and never want to hurt anyone. But I've had to give myself permission to step out of a friendship or two because the friendship was more taxing and toxic than healthy and growing. It's important to realize we can do that.